Dear Uncle Jim,

There is one purpose to my letter – It is a clear and detailed explanation of why is it so extremely important for you to move from your house to a senior residence. I believe you will be able to absorb the necessary concepts much more easily in writing than by the spoken word; as you will be able to review the material as necessary, in order not to forget it. You will also not be handicapped by poor hearing.

You will be sure to notice that the tone of this letter is very direct, with little attempt at tact. I care about your welfare more than I care about being liked. You can like me more later when you see how much happier you are after you take my suggestions and follow the “program”. In any case, please do not interpret what you read as an indication that I consider you to be anything other than a fine, upstanding person who has grown old and now needs assistance.

First of all, please be assured that as critical as it is for you to leave your house immediately, nobody will force you to do so if you refuse. The one possible exception is the Authorities, as soon as they determine that you are still in danger and that nothing has been done to correct the situation. Owing to the problems and ensuing police visits, they are “wise” to your dangerous and unhealthy situation and will be monitoring very closely. (Unfortunately, it is not possible for them to monitor you closely enough to keep you out of danger.)

Your reluctance to move to a Life Care Center is based solely upon emotion—the fear of change. Analysis by any rational person points to the conclusion that you have no logical choice but to vacate your house immediately.

Your Present Situation

Let us now review the life you have now and the help you need. You do not eat properly or exercise at all. You are losing weight, and up until now, your acute knee problem has not being treated properly. This is mostly because of your forgetfulness, indecision, mistrust (aggravated by the predators in your midst) and inadequate communication (the listening part, largely because of your hearing problem). There is no structure to your life to promote proper eating, sleeping, exercise, and taking medication and supplements. You cannot get out of the house yourself to obtain these items or see medical personnel without assistance.

You cannot read properly, because you lack the proper glasses.

You cannot hear properly, because you have no hearing aid.

You are continuously becoming a bigger target to predators of elderly people, and the police warned you that your neighborhood is replete with them. You came close to allowing predators into your house in August and actually did so in September. You know it is very dangerous, but apparently you cannot help yourself.

Your associates are very limited, because of your old age at and their old ages. All of these situations will get worse. You have an active mind, craving stimulation, but you are lonely. Your memory is unreliable. Some things you remember very well; other things you forget almost immediately. In your present living situation, this condition is dangerous to you and frustrating to those who care about you.

After living your whole life in such a way to provide for your old age, you are trapped in your house by only your own fear of making a change. It is outrageous that a person with so very much in liquid assets is living like a pauper and endangering himself every day.

The “live-in” solution you propose has many drawbacks and is an unreliable “grab-bag”, like employing various and sundry “helper” firms, social services meant for almost penniless people, and begging for help from friends who themselves should receive help. First of all, an honest and reliable “live-in” will be hard to find and keep and will not come free. You also do not trust people easily. Even if you were very lucky and all of this worked out OK, you will still need nursing home care later and will have missed the opportunity to obtain it at a reasonable cost, unless you act now. Your 90-year old body cannot afford to live like this for another minute!

What Your Life will be Like if You Do What I Ask of You

1. You will live in a comfortable, temperature-regulated apartment with proper lighting.

2. Everything you need will be on one floor—kitchen, spacious living room, and bedroom.

3. The apartment will be cleaned and sanitized on a weekly basis, as will your clothing.

4. Someone will help you bathe and dress as necessary.

5. Someone will arrange your pills (medications, vitamins, and supplements).

6. The proper food will be provided (the quality of which you already praised).

7. Routine medical care will be provided on-site, and transportation will be provided for special medical care.

8. An on-site gymnasium is available to improve your physical condition.

9. You will have access to the on-site library.

10. An on-site barbershop is available.

11. You will have scores to hundreds of associates your own age, almost all with professional backgrounds. You told me only today what a pleasant part of your life it was when you lived with other people that time.

12. Cultural activities will be available on a daily basis.

13. As you need assisted living and nursing home care, it will be provided at the same, reasonable rate category as when you entered the Center.

14. The care, meals, and activities will provide structure to your life.

15. Your friends and family will be more likely to visit you in clean and pleasant surroundings (instead of your untidy and cluttered house, which has become a prison and a death trap).

16. You will be able to leave your apartment without worrying about people breaking in to steal your possessions. (You won’t even have to worry about forgetting to lock the apartment.)

17. You will be living in a country setting, able to go for walks outside without fear of criminals preying on the elderly.

18. I (or someone else in the family) shall (will) set you up with a computer and show you how to use it to broaden your horizons and make your life more worth living.

19. All of the above will be provided for costs that will preserve your Principal (less annual outgo than your income) and will therefore be available until your death, regardless of how long you live.

20. At the time of your death, this entire Principal will be available to your heirs.

The Transition

Your fear of the transition and the magnitude of what is involved is baseless. First of all, categorizing the contents of your house (with my and your niece’s help) will take about a day. Colored tags will indicate either “Move it (to your new home)”, “Store it” (at a storage company for later decision and distribution), and “Leave it” (for give-away and trash). Once this is done, you will be ready to leave “for greener pastures” and I shall see to it that everything goes where it is supposed to be. Conclusion Uncle Jim, the choice is (still) yours. You can choose to shed most of your stress and live like the respectable and responsible “mench” you really are, with people of your status, or continue to live like a lonely derelict in unhealthy conditions, always looking over your shoulder for people who might harm you, always worried that you will fall and never get up (because there will be nobody to find you).

Therefore, please make it easier on yourself and everyone who loves you by doing the smart thing right now.

Sincerely,

Your nephew,

Edward